Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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