I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
