Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize