So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
