he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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