Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
