my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize