I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
