my being single is dangerous.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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