If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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