The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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