I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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