Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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