my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
