So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
