maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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