Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
