I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
