We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
