help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
