That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize