I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
