So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
a search helicopter?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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