I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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