Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
