Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
