i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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