bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
