The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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