woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
