you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
