if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
