Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
