we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
