never play flip cup with pint glasses
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
