he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
