Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
