I bet he comes in French.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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