Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My dick has a subreddit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
