this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
