I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
