I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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