roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
