If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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