It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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