As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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