Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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