i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
