He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
