it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
