By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
