I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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