I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
