If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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