morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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