Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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