i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
