I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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