My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
