i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
