i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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