Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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