Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
