what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
