Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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