He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
