I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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