I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
