He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
