who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My bed smells like the plague
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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