real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
